Welp, it’s just another day. That is all that they are any more. Just days. Nothing to look forward to. Don’t get me wrong….we have Shane here but…it just isn’t the same. Never will be again. I can’t do anyhting with out seeing them or thinking of them. All I do is cry. Not sure it will ever end. The laughter is gone for sure. Shoot, I am crying right now as I write this. Lord I miss them so. Please, where ever they are, keep them safe from all harm and let them know that we will always love them no matter what. NMW.
I don’t want this to be a sad blog or pitty me or anything like that. I am just writing how I am feeling right now. It is so hard…so dang hard not to try and blame God for all this. I want to with all of my being, all of my flesh just hate God, curse him with everything I got but something is not letting me. Deep down I guess I know it isn’t His fault but I am so used to blaming him…that that is my first response. I have to admit, I have had a couple of cigs to get me through this time but I also know that God is the only one that is going to get me through this alive. Funny how that is huh? I KNOW all of this yet, it is so hard still. Like we are always on the verge of hell or something. Like that song says…. holding hands with heaven while we’re making eyes at hell. Ain’t that the truth!
Sometimes I’m on the mountain holding on to your hand
Sometimes I’m in the middle holding the best I can
Sometimes I’m in the valley and I let go long ago, when my hand is weak and tired…your hand still has a hold.
I try to hold on to you, it seems the best that I can do is, sometimes….
doing everything I can, but it’s slipping through my hands, sometimes…..
And if you are looking for consistancy…look to someone else
cause I’m holding hands with heaven while I’m making eyes at hell,
And if I’m ever gonna change, God I need your help
Amen for that!
 Thank you Lord for getting everyone through this time in our lives. I know that we mess up and probably don’t pick the right choices that YOU would have for us at the time but please know Lord that I am doing my best. Help me Lord to rely on you and block out those thoughts that the enemy would like me to think and blame you. It is so easy to do and I know that you are the only one that loves me and that the enemy lies to me about so much.
My heart hurts so much Lord, I can’t seem to do anything with out crying. I just want them to come home. I miss them so. But I know that I have to rely on you and what your will has for us and them. Whatever it is Lord, please stay close to me and don’t let me stray too far from you. Nudge me when I seem to go too far. Hold on tight Lord to Devine and them, don’t let them go. Surround them with your angels and comfort them when they are afraid. Rejoice with them when they are happy and always be there when they need a friend. When theya re sad Lord, just hold them for us please.
Let your will be done Lord. I pray that it involves them coming home but if not, please help me to get past this and continue on with you. I feel that I have no heart left, fill those empty places with you Lord. Remove me O Lord and replace me with you so that I live through you in me.
Comfort them Lord and be with them for us. Give them hugs for us and let them knwo they will and are always loved.
Thank you Lord for listening to me. Thank you that you are always there no matter what. 
We love you Lord, thank you for loving us…for loving me.
Â
PS. Thank you Lord for the baby chicks and that they are doing so well! They are the cutest! It amazes me sometimes as I sit and watch them….your handy work. How precious, yet fragile at the same time. Thank you for trusting us with them. We will take good care of them and they will get LOTS of lovins! LOL (my only regret about it is Devine and them are not here to enjoy them too)
Thanks again Lord.
Leave a Reply